Thursday, 15 December 2011

Thinking about transitioning?

Nothing worth having is easy to acheive, transitioning included. Friendships are difficult, relationships are difficult, families are difficult, jobs are difficult. Transitioning is never easy, and although I think that it's easier for some than it is for others, I believe that depends entirely on how much you want it and how much you're willing to sacrifice in order to have it.


You risk losing friends, family, jobs, and more. People's opinions of you might change, some will think you're just going through a phase, some will think you're just confused about your sexuality, some will think you just want attention and some will think you don't know what it is you want. No one will understand how you feel unless they're going through the same situation, and even then it's different for each person. You have to decide if it's worth it, do you want it enough to risk losing everything? I did, that's why I took the risk, and although I've lost alot because of it, it's the best thing I've ever done because I knew it was what I needed to do in order to be happy and live a life I love.


The first step is deciding that you're sure it's what you want. Yes it's easy to reverse everything and go back to living as your born gender, but that will make things even more complicated for you. If you're sure you want it, tell people close to you. Family, close friends, boyfriends or girlfriends. Tell only a few to begin with and see how they react, see if they'll help you, because the next step is just as difficult and you'll need a good group of supportive people to help you through it, I went through it alone and I do not recommend it.


Then you'll have to decide to come out and start living as the gender you feel inside. Go slow or take a huge leap, whatever you think you could handle. For me, I got rid of all my boy clothes and threw them away hours after I told everyone. The next day I started dressing as a girl and asked people to call me by my new name, but you have to think about how the people you're coming out to will react, will they be able to cope with it? Will they really be able to see you as a woman/man so quickly? They might not, so this is why going slow is also a good option.


The next step is hormones. Go to your doctor and tell them how you feel, take all the help they offer and do whatever it takes to get seen by the right people. Go to appointments, get a therapist, do not miss any appointments that they give you because you have to show you're serious about this, even if it means traveling hundreds of miles just to be seen for five minutes, it's worth it and it shows how comitted you are. It won't be an easy journey and you'll probably get impatient, but wait it out. It's definitely worth it, never ever give up.


In the end you have realize that this is something you may have to do to be happy in life. Why live a lie forever? You'll never be happy if you're never true to yourself. The best thing in life you can realize is that you come first, your happiness is all that matters, and as long as you're comfortable with yourself, nothing else should matter. Don't make excuses, age isn't stopping you, friends and family aren't stopping you, your location isn't stopping you, weight/height/appearance/body/etc isn't stopping you. The only thing stopping you is you, and the sooner you realize that everyone else has their own problems to deal with and that they really don't care that much about what you do with your life, the better, because that is when you will start living instead of just being alive.

♥ Ellery 

27 comments:

  1. Thank you Ellery.

    I'm trying to make myself forget about all this, yet here I still am reading your post.

    I will pay close attention to the excuses I'm making, because you named them all.

    Much love.

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  2. Thank you, thank you, thank you, a million times thank you for this post. You have a way with words that gets straight to the point. People need to read this.

    Thank you.

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  3. Admire and envy you so much, that you have the courage and strength to do one of the most difficult things anyone can do. The fact i cannot is actually made easier knowing there are people such as you becoming who they truly want to be and who will be so much happier for it. Take care. B x

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  4. I reached this blog surfing the 'net.
    I admire your ideals.
    Such bravery goes just further than sex and transitioning...

    Everybody should be (him|her)self without caring that much about what other people think!
    You're a living example of bravery and strenght!

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  5. Ellery, you are wise beyond your years when it comes to your post, above. I hope that you don't mind, but I would love to share those words with TG sisters on a small forum that I help moderate.
    You are a breath of fresh air because you speak your mind no matter what other people think.
    Please take care and be safe, girl.
    Luv ya,
    Alana

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  6. Cawk Pics or it didn't happen! ;)

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  7. well said honey xxxx Happy New Year xxxx Jim

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  8. your are the definition of beauty; now that i know you exist i can die in peace...

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  9. Being an admirer of your's sexualy you may not expect me to tell you this. But if you believe you are a woman at heart then that is what you are people should learn not to judge masculine and feminine by genitals. You are beautiful in every way, way to go for being who you are!

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  10. I agree with the sentiment, but I think it's easy to say when you can pass as well as you do. Who is to say that transitioning would really make some people happy when it would be impossible for them to do so successfully?

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  11. Being passable or not should change nothing. If all you want to be is a gorgeous woman, chances are you're not doing it for the right reason. You should wanna transition regardless of whether you pass or not, at the end of the day if you want to change your gender, you can. It's that simple. If you don't feel comfortable as your born gender, you'll wanna change it regardless. When I started, I didn't look how I do now and the thought of being passable didn't even enter my mind, I knew I just had to do it in order to live my life.

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  12. BESOS!!

    TU ERES UNA MUJER MARAVILLOSA Y UNICA. TE ADMIRO Y ME GUSTAS MUCHO

    ESTE ES MI HOMENAJE PARA TI EN MI BLOG
    http://bellasts.blogspot.com.es/2012/05/ellery-sweet.html

    ESPERO QUE TE GUSTE


    TAMBIEN PUSE BANNER EN MI SECCION DEDICADA A LAS BELLAS TS COMO TU.
    REDIRECCIONA A TU BLOG.. SI TU DESEAS QUE LO HAGA OTRO DE TUS LUGARES WEB SOLO INDICAME A DONDE DESEAS QUE REDIRECCIONE EL BANNER

    http://bellasts.blogspot.com.es/p/bellas-ts.html

    TE TIENES. MI BLOG ES TAMBIEN TUYO.. TODO LO QUE QUIERAS SERA PARA TI

    BESOS CARIÑO... LINDO DIA..

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  13. I don't mean to be redundant or overly simplistic, and I apologize if that's the case, but be yourself, however that is which you're most at ease and feel like you. If that makes sense. Of course I could say my personal preference, but my personal preference, nor anyone else other than yourself, should truly matter obviously. That being said I do of course find you incredibly brave for having to go through what you do, and obviously you're beautiful, outside but I'm guessing on the inside as well. Very few people exude the real kindness that sort of seems to emanate from you, I have to say, having seen a clip of you on the web. Anyways, sorry for the long rant....xoxo

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  14. First and foremost I am a straight man. I have never been with a man or had any intention of it. With that being said, I think you are 100% right. If you feel that you were born a man but feel like a women than you should be free to be such. Personally, I think you are outstandingly beautiful as a woman and if this is the way you feel, then be happy. Don't let the ignorant people that still exist in the world let you down. They are more and more becoming the minority. I think you are beautiful. and thats coming from a straight man.

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  15. I think you're the most beautiful woman on earth. :]

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  16. Great post. You hit a lot of key topics. I started the transition process 18 months ago, and at the age of 33 was the biggest step I've ever taken. But it wasn't without a lot of thought and soul searching that I made this decision... and some therapy. One thing that I wasn't expecting was how my plans for transitioning changed as my body and mind changed. The more I looked in the mirror and saw the girl that I was supposed to be, the more I wanted to express that to the world. It's so strange how my life changed for the better, and is still changing. Your right, I could't be happier being and feeling like the person I was supposed to be.

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  17. Thank you for writing that post. It was so very helpful and I suppose encouraging. If it's worth anything, I hope you know you're doing some good with people you may never meet, if you think about it. Thats cool. Thanx xoxo

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  18. Great text. I'm about to begin my own transition as soon as i find someone to help me with the opions of experts (hope i got that right, my english isn't the best). And your text helps me a bit further...

    I translated your text into german and posted it on my little blog with a link to yours, so that others who can't read english easily can read it too. If you don't want that, contact me. :)

    http://zuhause.bonsaiheld.org/2012/07/17/denkst-du-darueber-nach/

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  19. HI Babe,

    Great Post.
    I am a guy and women like you make me proud to be the type ofperson who accepts everyone for who they are. You are a lovely person and extremely beautiful and if we ever cross paths be sure I will smile back say hello and probably even offer to buy you a drink.

    Stay strong and always be happy.

    Sam

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  21. Hey Ellery I just wanted to know if you could do a blog on you coming out. Such as on how you said it and who to. X

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  22. Hello, very nice site. Moving is hard, too me it is waiting .. : P But change is never easy .. But already looking forward to the result ... You're very good girl're helping others too;) I wish all happiness and willpower ... ;) Bay ..

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  23. I commend you on your perception and bravery to live your life as you want rather than spend your life wishing you were something else.
    It is far harder to transition when you aren't a beautiful young thing, are physically imposing as a man, and have your life so entangled in a lie that you threaten the mental well being of children and innocents.
    So your advice, sage as it is, is best for those still in their youth today, rather than those of us who are thirty years older.

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  24. Thank you Ellery. I'm kind of confused at this stage.I think I want to transition, but I have all these fears that you have named, and, and, other fears. I'm very depressed about this because at times I think this is what I want and I think that with great confidence, and at other times I have no idea what I want.

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  25. Lose the chip on your shoulder you have much to learn as we all do.

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    Replies
    1. How about you getting rid of the sack of tatties off your shoulders?

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  26. Ellery, you are very wise, and very brave.

    People are all too often ignorant of the facts that sex is something that one does (or doesn't), and gender is what one is.

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